Geographic Pride

I have heard there are a lot of people in the world that don’t like Americans. Supposedly, they think we are arrogant. They think we think we’re better than everyone else.

I’m proud to be an American. I love the United States. I get emotional when I hear about the Declaration of Independence, the Revolutionary War and the Constitution. And while, admittedly, there are problems with the United States, I think there are few Americans that would scold or ostracize or hate me for loving America, and even for being vocal about it.

But as soon as I say, “I love Texas,” all hell breaks loose.

I have interacted with some people in the United States who don’t like Texans. Supposedly, they think we are arrogant. They think we think we’re better than everyone else.

I’m proud to be a Texan. I love Texas. I get emotional when I hear about the Texas Declaration of Independence, the Texas Revolution and the Texas Constitution. The cries of “Remember the Alamo” drove the soldiers to overcome Mexican tyranny and to establish the Republic of Texas. Growing up in Texas, we hear stories of heroes like Sam Houston, Stephen F. Austin, Daniel Boone and others – all great men. And while, admittedly, there are problems with Texas (although far fewer than the U.S.) I think there are few Texans that would scold or ostracize or hate me for loving Texas, and even for being vocal about it.

So why do other Americans (non-Texans) hate the fact I’m proud of being from Texas? To become its own country, Texas went through many similar hardships and victories as the original colonies. What’s wrong in being proud to be Texan?

I guess it is a little presumptuous to be from the state that thinks it’s the only state in the country that thinks it’s the only country in the world, but can you blame us? Texas is a great place!

Now, I’m no extremist. I don’t think Texas should secede, and I don’t have a confederate flag on the gun rack in my truck. But I hope there are people out there who can understand. Pride in being a Texan is very much like pride in being an American. And I’m proud to be both.

So please keep right, except to pass.

Writing Exchage Rates

There’s an old adage, “A picture is worth a thousand words.”

As a writer, I am mildly offended by that sentiment. Is ANY picture worth ANY thousand words? Is the Mona Lisa equal in value to the word “word” 1,000 times? Or is the poetry of Poe - where every word and nuance and implication is not only selected with immeasurable care, but with lasting impact - as good as the pictures of crotch resulting from the “take a picture of your crotch with your friend’s camera without them noticing” game?

While a picture may be worth 1,000 words of dribble shelled out by a high school student’s standard inverted pyramid thesis statement, three body paragraphs and a conclusion essay, to apply that equality across the board is simply naive.

There is a lot that goes into a good 1,000 words, just as there is a lot that goes into a good picture. Regardless of picture’s medium (photography, paint, etc.) lighting, depth, framing and other visual principles are essential to take into account when creating visual art. Just as research, grammar, punctuation and other principles of writing are essential to create written art. So let us not be so quick to judge the equality of different arts before taking into account their value, impact and creativity.

But, if a picture is indeed worth a thousand words, what are a thousand pictures worth? Or what is one word worth? And where can we find an exchange rate for these symbolic representations of ideas? Well, I have taken the liberty to create an accurate measure.

1 Picture = 1,000 Words

1 Idiom = 1,000 Pictures

1 Hyperbole = 1,000 Idioms

1 Cliché = 1,000 Hyperboles

1 Assonance = 1,000 Clichés

1 Alliteration = 1,000 Assonances

1 Personification = 1,000 Alliterations

1 Simile = 1,000 Personifications

1 Metaphor = 1,000 Similes

1 Allegory = 1,000 Metaphors

1 Onomatopoeia = 1,000 Allegories

So, mathematically speaking, one onomatopoeia is worth one decillion (one with 33 zeros) words. One page of single spaced, 12 point, Times New Roman font, with one inch margins all around can fit about 750 words. So one onomatopoeia is worth 1.3 nonillion (one with 30 zeros) pages.

So, next time you get an assignment for a huge paper, just turn in a page that says, in big print, “BAMF” (extra points if you can guess that reference). That should more than cover it.

So please keep right, except to pass.

The National Hockey League - The Red-Headed Stepchild of Professional Sports

In 1980, Lake Placid, N.Y. saw possibly the most influential moment in sports history. We all know the story. The men’s U.S. ice hockey team defeated the Soviet Union at the Winter Olympic Games. The victory for the U.S. unified a country, helped bring an end to the Cold War and told the greatest underdog story of all time. But that wasn’t enough to turn a country of national-pastiming, slam-dunking, end-zone-celebrating fans to the ice rink. Once the fervor of the victory had died down, the players and their sport were mostly forgotten, only to be seen on the occasional highlight reel.

And that’s what happens to most underdogs. Success is never expected, and if achieved, it’s fleeting or even downplayed. Any bandwagon jumpers fall off as soon as next season comes around. But there are a proud few who know what it’s like to always be the underdog – hockey fans.

It’s no secret the National Hockey League is at the bottom of the list when it comes to popularity of team sports in the United States, even during the playoffs. In a land where football is king, and baseball and basketball sit comfortably, the NHL is often treated as the jester – an enjoyable pastime, never to be taken too seriously. But the dark horse of the NHL may be pulling toward the front of the pack, leaving behind a history of general apathy – and a few failed attempts to improve the game – as it surges ahead into the future.

Hockey – The Other White Sport

“The reason men enjoy sports like basketball and football is because it’s just constant scoring, mindless entertainment,” said Nichole Clark, from Sandy, Utah, who has been a hockey fan since high school. “But hockey is more impressive. There’s suspense. And when they score, it means a lot.”

But more than just the immense talent required to get that three inch piece of vulcanized rubber behind the goalie - on ice no less - hockey elicits a little bit more from its fans.

“There’s a certain amount of analyzation and focus required with hockey. There are a lot more nuances, so you have to pay attention in order to appreciate it,” Clark said. “But when I don’t want to think, I turn on a football game.”

Clark, like many others, realizes hockey has everything any sports fan could want. It’s a perfect blend of power and finesse. It’s a game of speed, strategy and precision. They battle for the oldest (and arguably most coveted) professional sports trophy in North America – the Stanley Cup. There are teams in nearly every major city. Not only that, the NHL isn’t riddled with the steroid allegations, drug rings, arrests, dog fights – et cetera – that seem to be a frequent occurrence in the other major sports. But for some reason, that’s not enough.

“People don’t give it a chance,” said Ed Andrews, season ticket holder with the Carolina Hurricanes. “Lots of people don’t know why they don’t like hockey; they just don’t like it.”

It could be because there’s little motivation for a sports fan to put forth the effort and make the switch to hockey. It’s easy to be a football or baseball fan. No one will question your sportshood when you watch the Superbowl or the World Series, rattling off stats about Brett Favre or that great Satan, the New York Yankees.

But try bringing up Bobby Orr, Maurice Richard or Wayne Gretzky around the water cooler. For some reason, knowing why the Montreal Canadians are called the “Habs,” or how long the New York Rangers went between league championships, or the greatness of the Edmonton Oilers dynasty in the late 80s is, oddly, less than impressive. This gives little incentive to branch out and make that exploration into a new sport. But there’s something about the sights and sounds of the ice – actually experiencing a game – that can get people hooked.

“Sometimes if it’s your first time, it’s hard to get into it,” Andrews said. “But typically, if I take people who have never been, within two or three games they’ll start buying their own tickets.”

Andrews’ love affair with the sport started when the Hartford Whalers moved to North Carolina. He attended the Hurricanes’ first home game against the Pittsburgh Penguins, and has been cheering them on ever since.

“I work through the weekends to free up time and money for the games,” Andrews said, even making trips out to Detroit and Philadelphia to support the Hurricanes.

If It Ain’t Broke

Every NHL teams has fans like Andrews – loyal, devoted fans, committed to the cause – but even so, overall attendance in the NHL has waned in recent years. Over half the NHL teams saw a decrease in average attendance from 2001 to 2004. And the overall average attendance across the NHL was down in both the 2002-2003 and 2003-2004 seasons.

During all of this, the NHL went through major changes. Hoping to increase scoring and bring in more fans, the NHL instituted several new rules – expanding the offensive zones, getting rid of the two-line pass, stricter penalties. They reworked overtime, ties and points. They wanted to change the perception of the game by changing the rules. But how much change have teams actually seen from those rule changes?

“Absolutely zero,” said Adrian Denny, director of broadcasting, media and community relations for the minor league Utah Grizzlies. The focus for the Grizzlies, like many minor league teams, isn’t so much on harvesting fans as it is just providing an evening out for the family.

“We’re marketing entertainment first and hockey second,” Denny said. “We’ve got a great core of hockey fans here, and that’s outstanding. But we just keep a good product on the ice and keep entertaining the local community.”

But that doesn’t mean the Grizzlies don’t still face the same problems of trying to bring in more hockey fans. They know the more fans they have, the more tickets they sell. But it wasn’t the rules that were keeping people away from hockey.

“The feedback I get is it’s not a good TV sport,” Denny said. “You look at NHL arenas and they’re averaging the same attendance as NBA teams, so the real difference is television.”

Some people have a hard time following the puck as it flies around on the ice. The NHL, hoping to appeal to the eyes-cannot-move-fast-enough crowd, tried to remedy the situation. The late 90s saw the infamous Fox Trax or the “glow puck” – where an electronic device was installed inside the puck so it glowed on the television screen – to help viewers follow the puck’s movement on the ice.

It didn’t go over too well.

“What can be said that hasn’t already been said about the little blue electronic nimbus that rolls around the boards flickering like a flashlight with loose batteries and criss-crosses the ice leaving a stain of disappearing ink leaking behind it?” said Jeff Z. Klein and Karl-Eric Reif in their book “The Death of Hockey or: How a Bunch of Guys with Too Much Money and Too Little Sense are Killing the Greatest Game on Earth.” “It’s distracting, it’s hypnotic, it’s infuriating – most of all it’s insulting, because what it really is this: Screw all the fans in the cities where they know and love hockey … So the game is dumbed down about as far as it can go, short of having a representative from the NHL or Fox actually standing in the living room, continuously indicating where the puck is by using his finger to point to it on the screen.”

Fox Trax was last seen in 1998, but many people expect the development and popularity of high-definition television will help remedy the difficulty associated with following the puck.

Out With the Old, In With the New

Learning from the past, most organizations are done trying to convert fans to hockey. They’re done adapting the game they love to appeal to a crowd that probably won’t change. Hockey fans aren’t going to be found in ballparks or stadiums. Few, if any, are going to want to convert their season tickets from the court to the ice. That’s why most hockey teams aren’t looking for their fans amongst the Cheeseheads of Wisconsin.

“We’re heavily involved with youth hockey. That’s the target market of the NHL,” said Scott Storkan, manager of hockey development for the Phoenix Coyotes. “We try to connect with kids that play hockey because they are, obviously, huge hockey fans. The older crowd is pretty set in their ways. And a lot of them complain because it’s hard to pronounce most of the players’ names.”

For the Coyotes and the rest of the NHL, less emphasis is placed on turning football, baseball or basketball fans into hockey fans. Instead, they’re focusing their efforts on the unadulterated minds of youth. They’re promoting youth hockey leagues and clinics, and turning kids into hockey fans before their lives can be ruined by those sports not played on ice.

“The league is going to be a lot healthier within the next 10 years,” Storkan said. “As bad as it was, the lockout was important. We’ve created a more exciting, open game.”

When the players came back for the 2005-2006 season, it was the start of the new NHL. The focus switched to the future headliners – players like Sydney Crosby, Alexander Ovechkin and Evgeni Malkin – and technology. The NHL realized they weren’t going to change the perception of hockey by changing the rules.

And it seems to be working.

The past two seasons since the lockout have seen a huge increase in average number of fans at games – especially in Carolina, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, Calgary, Nashville and Tampa Bay, who have all seen average attendance per game increase by at least 1,000. An emphasis has been placed on the future of the NHL, and as homegrown talent is developed, the annual NHL draft will have fewer vowel-less last names called out, and more American players at the top.

And the NHL is working hard off the ice and away from the arenas, incorporating technology and making fans a bigger part of the league. The NHL features podcasts and fan blogs, as well as up-to-the-minute scores and video highlights from the games.

“When it comes to technology, the NHL is the best out of the four leagues,” Storkan said. “The internet provides a huge amount of info and accessibility.”

As for us hockey fans, we don’t mind the crazy last names or the fast puck. We love it, and we love talking about it. We’re constantly trying to defend our faith, citing the myriad reasons hockey truly is the greatest sport on earth. We hope the sport we so desperately cheer for will someday beat out those other sports, taking its rightful place in our society’s athletic culture.

But until then, we don’t really mind being the underdogs.

So please keep right, except to pass.

Gas Prices: The Higher, The Better

I think I may be the only person in the United States (and perhaps the world) who is not part of the oil industry but is glad gas prices are soaring.

Here my surely-flawed logic:

Since gas prices are so high - and likely to get higher - as people buy new cars, they will be more likely to opt for the fuel-efficient sedans instead of the gas-guzzling SUVs (why people drove those cars to begin with is beyond me - mostly an indication of how the priorities of the average American are messed up).

And as more people buy these high-mile-per-gallon cars, car makers will be more likely to design their new cars to get better mileage (for instance)

This is especially an issue with traditional American-made cars, which care more about speed and power than efficiency and practicality. So, when American car makers make the switch, they will provide competition for foreign car companies. This will, hopefully, cause more people to buy American-made cars.

So this would help the U.S. economy, keep jobs in America, help the environment, save people money, get America’s priorities right, bring gas prices back down and put Arrested Development back on the air! (I don’t know about that last part, but wouldn’t it be great?! It would make the world complete again)

Now, as stated, I’m sure this logic is not airtight. I’m no economist, mechanic or fuel guru. And I realize this process will take years. However, I think the point is clear and I think it’s already happening.

It is becoming less chic to drive the 3-mile-per-gallon Humm-scalade. And while many say the reason is because of the environment, I am doubtful that’s the case. The environment has been around for a long time. The idea of saving the environment and fighting global warming has been around for a long time. No lie! Al Gore neither invented the fight against global warming (P.C. - climate change) nor the Internet.

No, the real reason - which shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone - is money. Americans never change their lifestyles, ideas or morals unless it means more money. And now that all across America, citizens are staring to feel the gas-pump pinch, they are finally starting to realize it may be better to invest in a more fuel-efficient car.

Never mind the hundreds or thousands of dollars they could have been saving over the past decade by driving a car with better gas mileage. Not only would that not have been cool, but what would have been the point? The economy was in great shape! So they had plenty of money to shell out at the Shell station (bad…I know…feel free to groan). But now that things don’t look so great, people are finally starting to be motivated by the only thing that will do it - money.

So, when it comes to high gas prices, I hope they stay high (although it does sicken me that oil companies are making record profits and doing everything they can to make more money - again, money is the most powerful, and sometimes only, motivator). But I hope people will be smarter about their purchases. I hope they permanently reorder their priorities and realize that bigger and badder isn’t always better.

So please keep right, except to pass.

Taking Advantage? Or Just Opportunistic?

Former governor of New Jersey Jim McGreevey, along with his wife, were in court today to see what they could do about not being married anymore. While their story is worth examining in and of itself - and has been in two tell-all books - it’s a comment by a male member of McGreevey staff.

Allegedly, this staff member is the one with whom McGreevey had his affair (yes, McGreevey is married to a woman and was cheating on her with another man, resulting in his resignation and admittance to being “a gay American”) This is McGreevey’s side of the story. The staff member denies the affair and says he was sexually harassed by the former governor.

What piqued my interest was the thought that perhaps this staff member decided to claim he was sexually harassed in hopes he would be able to win a law suit, or get some sympathy or a book deal or something. And that thought makes me sick.

Now, I’m not saying that’s what happened. It could very well be true that this man really was sexually harassed by McGreevey. However, after incidents like the ones surrounding the Duke Lacrosse Team and Kobe Bryant (again, I’m not saying either were guilty or innocent, I’m just saying) it makes me question how people can live with themselves when they flat out lie just for fame and fortune. Have we no integrity?

I suppose many would just say they are making the most of an opportunity - that the benefits outweigh the costs or risks. And that doesn’t really surprise me. People lie all the time. They lie for a myriad reasons, often solely to benefit themselves. But it does frustrate me that people can’t just be open and honest with themselves and with others.

If this staff member really wasn’t sexually harassed, why can’t he just say so? Why can’t just admit to it? It’s not like he did anything illegal. Some may feel he did something immoral, but isn’t lying immoral too?

Perhaps it would be better if people were open, honest, frank and had the integrity it took to live the truth instead of taking advantage of a situation just so they have a few extra dollars in their pockets or a few extra friends on their side.

So please keep right, except to pass.

Addicted to Pop…Culture

There’s this thing out there social scientists call a “para-social relationship.” It’s the kind of relationship where Bob knows a lot about Joe, but Joe doesn’t know squat about Bob.

Of course, “Joe” is some A-list celebrity whose face is plastered all over magazines and TV. And “Bob” is a late-teened or early-twentied girl who needs to realize that people.com is not the best source to find out world news.

Now, I’ve never been one to believe these Sociologists – I hear the jury is still out on science – but I think they may be on to something. More and more people seem to be obsessed with break-ups and baby bumps and Dr. Martens. And more and more media outlets are feeding that obsession.

It’s a vicious cycle, really. A few IQ-lacking people seek out the latest in entertainment news and celebrity gossip, which makes media organizations think it’s something people care about. So they produce a week-long series on Anna Nicole Smith, or something equally ridiculous. The general populous notices this extensive coverage, and so they think it’s something important, something worth following. Under the guise of real news, more and more people watch it. When the number of viewers goes up, the news stations think it’s of serious interest to people, so they keep covering it. This repeats over and over again until pictures of emaciated children in Africa have been replaced with pictures of anorexic starlets in Hollywood.

And even though I’m a member of the media, and it’s the very industry I plan to someday sell my soul to, I really think they’re the ones to blame. The media moguls are more concerned about ratings than serving the general public. Ethics, morals and fundamental journalistic principles are pushed aside as stories are aired and published. The line between fiction and non-fiction becomes blurry, and stories are sensationalized and biased as writers, publishers and producers convince themselves that omitting facts is not the same as lying.

And people just eat it up.

But I do understand where these executives are coming from. Wouldn’t you do the same thing? Tabloids are flying off the shelf faster than Lindsay Lohan goes back to rehab (zing!) But seriously folks, the general public has proven time and time again they can’t be trusted to make decisions for themselves. When it comes to deciding what is important and worthwhile, their judgment is usually impaired

It’s bad enough “American Idol” is the highest rated show on television, but then to have someone like Sanjaya Malaker stay on for weeks?

It’s bad enough more votes are cast nowadays through cell phones than ballot boxes, but then to actually elect George W. Bush as president?

Twice?

It’s bad enough people flock to reality shows like Paris Hilton to court appearances, but then to religiously watch a reality television show with Tiffany “New York” Pollard?

Three times?

Come on people. As fun as it is to watch the “reality” that is Laguna Beach, you cannot replace real reality – you know, like, real life – with someone else’s reality. It’s time to stop living your life through celebrities. Sure you may not be as smart, good-looking or talented as they, and your life is probably a lot more boring, but it’s time to realize anything involving Britney Spears is NOT news.

So think about your para-social relationships. How much are you getting out of it? Is that person there for you when you need them? Is their shoulder available for crying if need be? Do they ever call, just to say hi?

If not, it may be time to break it off. They obviously don’t care about you at all.

So please keep right, except to pass.

Keep Right, Except To Pass

As I have lived and traveled throughout these United States, I have found different parts of the country have different styles of driving.

Texas drivers are, for the most part, considerate and relaxed. They drive the speed limit and are most likely to use the universal “you go ahead” hand motion.

New Jersey drivers are, for the most part, reckless and rude. The ether that is New York seeps across the river and makes Jersey residents angry at the world, and they drive accordingly.

Utah drivers are, for the most part, clueless idiots. Utah is famous for its “moving road blocks” where as many cars as there are lanes decide to line up side by side, go five to ten miles per hour under the speed limit and refuse to less anyone pass. They are completely unaware of their surroundings.

California drivers are, for the most part, crazy but accommodating. While they swerve in and out of traffic relentlessly, and always drive at least ten miles per hour over the speed limit, they are very aware of what’s going on around them. As long as you drive like they do and go with the flow, everyone will be happy.

New York drivers are, for the most part, hurried and melodramatic. The pulse of the city makes them think they have to be wherever they have to be ten minutes ago. The only traffic laws obeyed are semaphores, and they will quickly yell or honk at anyone who inhibits their journey. But their bark is worse than their bite.

And all of these different driving styles more or less work for the culture of which they are a part. I have qualms with certain aspects of each, but I am able to overlook the bad to see the good. Life goes on and people get to where they need to be.

However, one rule of the road almost always universally ignored by all of these driving styles is: Keep Right, Except To Pass. While this rule isn’t always applicable for in-city driving, when traveling on the freeways and multi-lane highways that span this great nation, it is essential.

It is my belief that if everyone was to follow the creed: Keep Right, Except To Pass, it would solve 80% of traffic problems (whether that be accidents or simply congestion).

It is also my belief that if people would follow the same principle in their daily lives - of not only being aware of others, but being accommodating to them - it would solve 80% of life’s problems.

So this blog is all about how I see the world, how I think it should be and why I think it should be that way. Now, all of the posts in this blog will not necessarily be strictly about idealism, understanding and compassion - sometimes I just want to be funny - but it is my plea to the world that we all could, in our day to day lives, focus on those around us and consider their journey.

It most certainly won’t slow us down and we can all get to where we’re going on time.

So please keep right, except to pass.